I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
