I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
