that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
