Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
