she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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