i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
