after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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