my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
