I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
