i think my tv is drunk
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
