my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
