i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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