Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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