I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
