apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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