Pants 0. Shit 1.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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