we're blogging at a bar
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
