yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
