I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
