I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
