I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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