Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I need moral support for this bender
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
