Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
