I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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