I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
