i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
