That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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