Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
