i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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