Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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