I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
