All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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