I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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