mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
