Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
