well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
