I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I love having hate sex.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
