Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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