Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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