3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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