you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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