so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
