Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
