He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
