dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
