dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
