So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
