I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
