cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
