Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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