I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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